A bartender is getting ready to close for the night when a robber bursts in and pulls a gun.
“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”
“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”
The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over.
The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a blow job!”
“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”
The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.<br
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This 70 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing.
Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her awhile then says, “You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?”
She says, “I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old.”
She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, “Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 70 year-old ass?”
She says, “Well, your name never came up.” Read more
The newly-married daughter-in-law demurely told her mother-in-law, “Mum! I want to know about the customs here.”
The mother-in-law said, “Yes Yes, go ahead!”
“How many months after marriage are babies delivered here?” the daughter-in-law enquired.
“Why ? after nine months,” told the mother-in-law, struck by her daughter-in-law`s innocence.
“But,” declared the daughter-in-law, “At my father`s place, they do it after six months, and for the first time, I shall follow their custom.” Read more
Pappu walked into class every Morning with a black eye.
Teacher: What’s wrong?
Pappu: Our house is very small. Me, my mum, and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, ‘Johny are you sleeping?’ Then I say, ‘No,’ and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye”
Teacher: Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don’t answer.
The folowing morning Johny comes back with a severe black eye again.
Teacehr: My goodness why the black eye again?
Pappu: Dad asked me again, Johny are you sleeping? and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my m
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It’s easy to take off all your clothes and have sex – people do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone,
letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes and dreams… now that’s being naked! Read more
10. He can open your blouse by himself.
9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.
8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.
7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.
6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.
5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.
4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.
3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.
2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to “Dueling Banjos.”
1. Beard abrasions on areola. Read more
Johnny: Dad, where did I come from to this life?
Father: You were brought by a stork.
Johnny: That’s strange, you have such a pretty wife, but nevertheless you’re screwing a stork! Read more